How can I help my child with anxiety?
Seeing your child struggle with anxiety can be difficult. As a parent or carer, it is natural to want to make things better, particularly when you can see that worry is beginning to affect their confidence, sleep, behaviour, school life, friendships or everyday activities.
You may find yourself searching:
How can I help my child with anxiety?
How can I help my child with anxiety at school?
How do I deal with anxiety in a child?
What should I do when my child is constantly worried?
When should I seek professional help for childhood anxiety?
The good news is that there are things you can do to support your child.
The first step is understanding that anxiety is not simply a child “being difficult” or something they should be expected to switch off. Anxiety can feel very real and overwhelming to a child, even when the situation may not appear frightening to an adult.
With patience, understanding and the right support, children can learn ways of recognising and managing anxious feelings.
What does anxiety look like in children?
Anxiety can look very different from one child to another.
Some children may be able to explain that they are worried or frightened. Others may find it difficult to put their feelings into words, and their anxiety may instead appear through changes in behaviour, emotions or physical symptoms.
You might notice that your child:
worries frequently about things that might happen.
becomes upset when separating from you.
doesn’t want to go to school or particular activities.
asks for repeated reassurance.
becomes tearful, irritable or angry.
has difficulty sleeping or wakes during the night.
complains of headaches, stomach aches or feeling unwell.
avoids certain situations.
becomes overwhelmed more easily.
loses confidence in situations they previously managed.
becomes unusually quiet or withdrawn.
finds changes in routine particularly difficult.
repeatedly thinks about things that have happened or might happen.
Repeated occurrences of any or all of the examples above could be your child or teenager communicating that something feels difficult or frightening.
Instead of only asking yourself, “Why are they behaving like this?”, it can be helpful to ask:
“What might my child be experiencing underneath this behaviour?”
How can I help my child with anxiety?
There isn’t one approach that works for every child, but there are several things parents and carers can try.
1. Listen before trying to solve the problem
When your child tells you they are worried, it can be tempting to immediately reassure them:
“Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
Although this comes from a good place, repeated reassurance doesn’t always help a child understand or manage anxiety.
Instead, try listening first.
You could say:
“That sounds like it feels really difficult.”
or:
“Tell me a bit more about what you’re worried might happen.”
This gives your child an opportunity to explain what is going on without feeling that their worry is being dismissed.
You don’t necessarily need to have an immediate solution.
Sometimes being heard and understood is the first step.
2. Validate the feeling without making the fear bigger
Supporting your child’s anxiety doesn’t mean agreeing that the thing they fear will definitely happen.
There is a difference between saying:
“Yes, that sounds really scary. We need to avoid that.”
and:
“I can see that this feels scary for you. Let’s work out what might help.”
The second approach acknowledges the emotion without reinforcing the idea that the situation is necessarily dangerous.
A useful phrase can be:
“I can see that you’re worried, and I’m here to help you.”
3. Help your child name what they are feeling
Children don’t always have the words to describe anxiety.
You can help by talking about how anxiety can affect both the mind and body.
For example:
“Does your tummy feel funny when you’re worried?”
“Do you notice your heart beating faster?”
“Do you get lots of thoughts going around your head?”
“Does it feel difficult to concentrate when you’re worried?”
Helping a child recognise these signs can gradually help them identify:
“I’m feeling anxious.”
rather than simply:
“Something is wrong with me.”
That distinction can be really important for developing emotional awareness.
4. Talk about what anxiety is
For some children, simply understanding anxiety can make it feel less mysterious.
You might explain that anxiety is the body’s alarm system. It is designed to help us respond when we think something might be wrong.
The problem is that sometimes our alarm system can become very sensitive.
It can go off when there isn’t an immediate danger.
You could use an analogy that makes sense to your child:
“Anxiety is a bit like a fire alarm. The alarm is helpful when there is a real problem, but sometimes they can go off when there isn’t actually a fire.”
This can help separate the child from the anxiety.
So instead of them thinking,
“I am an anxious child.”
they can begin to think:
“I’m experiencing an anxious feeling right now.”
5. Be careful about avoiding everything that causes anxiety
When a child is anxious, avoiding the situation can provide immediate relief.
For example, if something feels frightening, staying at home may make the anxiety decrease temporarily.
However, repeated avoidance can sometimes make the feared situation feel even more frightening over time.
This doesn’t mean a child should simply be forced into situations that overwhelm them.
Instead, support should be appropriate to the individual child and the situation, helping them gradually develop confidence and coping strategies.
If anxiety is causing significant avoidance, particularly around school or everyday activities, professional support can be helpful.
6. Create predictable routines
Children can find uncertainty difficult, particularly when they are already experiencing anxiety.
Predictable routines can provide a sense of security.
This might include:
consistent bedtime routines.
preparing for school the night before.
knowing what is happening the following day.
allowing enough time to get ready.
using visual schedules for younger children.
preparing them for changes in routine.
creating regular opportunities to talk.
The aim isn’t to make every part of life predictable.
Instead, routines can provide a stable foundation from which a child can gradually develop confidence in managing uncertainty.
For some children, anxiety becomes particularly noticeable around school.
You may see anxiety:
on Sunday evenings.
the night before school.
in the morning.
before particular lessons.
around tests or assessments.
around friendships.
around separation from parents.
around changes in routine.
when returning to school after holidays.
A child may say:
It can be tempting to focus immediately on getting them through the school gate.
But it can also be helpful to explore what is making school feel difficult.
There may be something specific behind the anxiety that needs to be understood.
Where appropriate, communicating with the school can also help ensure that everyone understands what the child is experiencing and can work consistently to support them.
What if my child can’t tell me why they are anxious?
This is very common.
A child may know that they feel frightened or uncomfortable without knowing exactly why.
You don’t necessarily need to keep asking:
“But what are you worried about?”
Instead, try gentle questions:
“When do you notice the worry most?”
“Is it worse at home or at school?”
“Does it happen before something, during it or afterwards?”
“Where do you feel the worry in your body?”
“If your worry could talk, what would it say?”
You could also encourage your child to draw their worries, write them down or use a simple scale such as:
0 = not worried
10 = extremely worried
The aim is to make communication easier rather than turning it into an interrogation.
Parents can sometimes find themselves caught in a cycle of reassurance.
A child asks:
“Are you sure nothing bad will happen?”
You answer:
“Yes, I’m sure.”
A few minutes later:
“But are you really sure?”
And the conversation starts again.
It is completely understandable to reassure your child. However, repeatedly providing certainty isn’t always enough to reduce anxiety.
Instead, you can gradually move towards helping your child develop confidence in their own ability to cope.
For example:
“I can’t promise that everything will always go exactly as we expect. But I know that if something difficult happens, we can work through it together.”
This shifts the focus from “Nothing bad will happen” to:
“I can cope if something feels difficult.”
Some worry and anxiety are a normal part of growing up.
However, it may be worth seeking additional support when anxiety is:
persistent or becoming more intense.
affecting school attendance.
affecting friendships.
interfering with family life.
preventing your child from participating in activities.
causing significant distress.
leading to increasing avoidance.
affecting your child’s confidence.
difficult for your child or family to manage.
You don’t have to wait until things reach crisis point before asking for help.
Sometimes getting support earlier can help a child and family understand what is happening and develop strategies before anxiety becomes more entrenched.
Play Therapy can provide a child with a safe, age-appropriate environment in which they can safely explore their emotions and experiences.
Depending on the child’s age and individual needs, therapy may involve helping them:
understand anxiety.
recognise emotional and physical signs.
identify anxious thoughts.
develop coping strategies.
build emotional awareness.
develop confidence.
explore situations they are finding difficult.
communicate feelings that may be difficult to express at home.
develop strategies for managing difficult emotions.
Parents and carers can also be an important part of the process.
Supporting a child with anxiety isn’t simply about giving them techniques. It is about helping them feel understood while gradually developing the skills and confidence to manage difficult experiences.
You don’t have to have all the answers
If your child is experiencing anxiety, you may sometimes feel that you should know exactly what to say or do.
You don’t.
Being a supportive parent doesn’t mean being able to fix every difficult feeling.
Sometimes the most helpful things you can offer are:
Listen.
Stay curious.
Take their feelings seriously.
Help them understand what they are experiencing.
Let them know they don’t have to manage it alone.
And when anxiety begins to significantly affect everyday life, it’s okay to ask for help.
Support for children and young people experiencing anxiety
At Silent Stories, we provide therapeutic support for children and young people experiencing a range of emotional and behavioural difficulties.
If anxiety is beginning to affect your child’s everyday life, school, sleeping, behaviour, relationships or confidence, professional support may help them understand what they are experiencing and develop ways of managing it.
You can find out more about our child and adolescent therapy services at:
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